To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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