True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
