I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
