Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
