So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the day after is always just damage control
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
