I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
