sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
