I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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