"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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