I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
