I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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