At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
