I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
