he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
