Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
