I am full of burrito and curiosity
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
