yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Rumble strips road head = magical
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
