I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
