walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
