it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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