porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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