I smell stomach acid.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
