I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
