i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
and she was petting her beer can
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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