So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think I died a long time ago.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
