we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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