Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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