This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
