My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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