Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
