this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
