I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just tell him i said nine months
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
