Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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