The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Umm I'm too high to move.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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