So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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