Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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