Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
