Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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