So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
