he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
