so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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