Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
