its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
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I need you to use more vowels.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
