So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
