i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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