oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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