I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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