I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
