I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
