whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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