Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
