I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
