You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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