Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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