Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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