In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
