Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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