hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
