goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
