remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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