so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
