Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
