my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
