i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
