I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i came on her dog
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
