Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
