I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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