I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
