I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
